Welcome to episode 43. In this episode, we are going to talk about ourselves again, our personalities, our traits, our behaviours, and I’ve brought an expert in to share this episode with me. I would love to welcome Susie Sprigg to the episode.
Guest Introduction
Alison: “Tell everyone a little bit about you first.”
Susie: “I am 48 years old. I used to be an accountant, and my life changed when a significant event happened to me; I became a widow. I want to share about the grieving journey, the healing journey, and how I finally had the opportunity to put the spotlight on me and think about what I want, what I am good at, and what I want out of life.”
“I want to talk about personal development journey because that’s one thing we always forget to do. We’re always so busy and focused on looking after everybody else and getting outside validation that we forget to look at ourselves and check in with ourselves to see if we’re okay.”
Alison: “Yeah, love that. I think you’re right. We do generally spend a lot of time focused on what everyone else needs, focused on the job that you might have, focused on the house that you’re trying to create, the sort of life that you’re trying to do. And actually, one of my big things is if we’re not focused on us, that internal world where your thoughts and behaviours and feelings are coming from, then we really often are so externally focused we are missing so much good stuff.”
“In my episode last week, we were talking about sometimes sitting with your horrible stuff and actually having that creativity that comes out of those darker days. And I’m sure that’s obviously something that you’re touching on there.”
Susie: “Definitely because everything’s an emotion and feeling, and you cannot move away from it because it always comes. We might talk about the universe quite a lot. I believe in the law of attraction in the universe, and they will keep sending people your way unless you’ve learned the lesson. There’s always something that you’re learning from.”
Alison: “I often like to talk about that things happen for us, not to us. If you ever catch yourself saying why does this keep happening to me? Then there is something there for you to pause and think about. Why does it keep happening to you? And then you can start to make some changes.”
Susie: “I say it’s like a computer game, you know. In computer games, you’ve got to get to level one, then level 2, level 3, and you can’t get past level 1 until you’ve collected some coins or some machinery or something like that, which you actually need to succeed on level 2. So you have to keep doing level 1 until you get all your coins or whatever like that to get to level 2.”
Alison: “I love that. What a great metaphor that is. Because I think something that I often observe people is, to use your metaphor, they’re still collecting the coins at this level, but they get frustrated. That’s there’s a risk then that they might start to give up because it’s not working quickly enough or it’s not actually getting them what they want. But actually, just that basic stuff and a lot of that, you know, we could liken that metaphor to self-care, self-kindness, self-compassion. They could be those very simple coins that you’re collecting.”
Susie: “I’m listening to an audiobook at the moment, and it talks just about that. It’s called ‘Worthy’ by Jamie Kern Lima. She talks about self-worth, which is your inner work. And she also talks about self-confidence. A lot of people talk about confidence, but confidence is something which is exterior. It’s about maybe skills. But you need both. If it’s self-worth and self-confidence, it’s like that whole.”
Alison: “Yeah, like that. And I think something else that I often hear people say, and I used to say it myself, is when you are externally focused, you are thinking about what everyone else is doing or worrying about everyone else or your boundaries aren’t secure enough because you haven’t got that self-worth. The risk of putting yourself into situations is so high that then it’s almost self-fulfilling. You’re not then doing what’s right for you. You then feel rubbish and unhappy, and so it goes round and round.”
Personal Realisations and Journeys
Susie: “My first significant event was when I was 15 years old, and my dad passed away. Then the second significant event, my mom passed away when I was
21. It made me realize that I had to be very self-reliant and independent from a young age. I’ve always been very introverted and private about my feelings. I was a people pleaser, so I would do everything to keep the peace. And when you do that, you don’t put yourself first.”
“My second significant event was my husband passing away. I was lost and didn’t know what to do. I spent so much time and effort caring for other people, I didn’t know how to care for myself. When my husband died, I went to grief counseling, and it helped me focus on me for the first time in my life.”
Alison: “And I think it’s really common when you’ve had trauma or things have happened in your life. I always think about the sort of circle. We all have different circles of influence, and sometimes you can be right in the middle of that circle. So, when something happens, it’s almost like it throws you out of the circle. And then the work is about getting back into the circle and knowing where you fit within it and how you can exist and still have those things happen to you.”
Susie: “I did a lot of reading, and one of the things I read was ‘The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle. It made me realize that I need to live in the present. I can’t change the past, and I can’t predict the future.”
Alison: “Yeah, and it’s interesting because I think we do spend so much time in our heads. And actually, when you start to be in the moment, so much more happens for you because you are present, and you can see and feel and touch and hear so much more.”
Life After Significant Events
Susie: “After my husband passed away, I didn’t want to be an accountant anymore. I wanted to do something different. I wanted to help others who were going through grief. I went back to college and got a degree in counseling. Now I am a grief and healing coach. I want to help people because it’s so hard to navigate on your own.”
Alison: “I think that’s brilliant because, again, from my perspective, when you have been through something, it’s a whole different ball game. You have empathy, you understand, and it’s not just a textbook. It’s real life.”
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